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:iconthelonelywolf678: More from thelonelywolf678


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Submitted on
September 4, 2013
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Ashes to ashes
Dust to dust
Forget the past
Tainted by lust
Man the mast
And sail the sea
Before you pay a hearty fee

Ashes to ashes
Dust to dust
Forget the past
Oh you must!
Play the mouse
And flee flee flee
Before the monster catches thee

Ashes to ashes
Dust to dust
Just give in
You've already been beat
Into the river
With your hopes and dreams
Out with hatred and misery

Ashes to ashes.

Dust to dust

I cant forget,

As I succumb to rust
This will be the last writing ill be posting for a while. I just needed to vent when I wrote this and thought it sounded kinda nice so I wanted to share it. It has many meaning to me, but it all gose back to the same thing: You cant run form the past. Itll always come back to bite you
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:iconiridescentcatalyst:
First off, the title already caught my attention, as it sounds nice to say and is pleasing to the ear. As I continued to read, the rhyming and repetition creates impact and emphasis as well as makes the poem flow. The first metaphor with the ship is nicely illustrated, and is open to interpretation, which is good. Once again, the repetition of the first line and title is seen again, creating even more emphasis. The next part is in second person, and it feels as if someone is talking to me, making the poem that much more emotional. As for the last couple of lines, I like how there is even more repetition as well as how the lines are spaced out, creating the clincher ending. The only thing I would really even criticize is to put the apostrophe in "can't" near the end, and to consider adding more punctuation. Overall, you did a good job at creating an atmosphere as well as feeling. It is a sad poem, but I like it because it is. I'm sorry that this is partially based off of your own experience.
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:iconholyheroine:
HolyHeroine Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Beautiful dude, I'm speechless... don't ever give up writing. You're fantastic at it.
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:iconthelonelywolf678:
thelonelywolf678 Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2013  Student Writer
Thank you. Its comments like this that keeps me from stopping :)
Reply
:iconholyheroine:
HolyHeroine Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
You're welcome :) just know it dude and live it. 
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:iconthelonelywolf678:
thelonelywolf678 Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2014  Student Writer
That's what I plan on doing :)
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:iconiridescentcatalyst:
IridescentCatalyst Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2013
This is a song?
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:iconthelonelywolf678:
thelonelywolf678 Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2013  Student Writer
Yes, at least I wrote it to be like one :)
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:iconsynergyarrow:
synergyarrow Featured By Owner Sep 6, 2013
Nice rhythm and rhyme!
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:iconthelonelywolf678:
thelonelywolf678 Featured By Owner Sep 16, 2013  Student Writer
I tried really hard on those, thanks :)
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:iconchibifananime:
chibiFANanime Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
wow, it reminds me of the game 'Rule of Rose' .. Q v Q
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:iconlenabelle02:
Lenabelle02 Featured By Owner Sep 27, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I was wondering why this poem sounded so familiar!
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