Well, I'm a writer and I can give you some tips on how to improve.
First off. This concept. It's been done so many times it's hard to call it original anymore. The poem is arranged nicely, but the concept lacks in originality and a clear viewpoint. Make sure your readers know what you are trying to symbolize and what your point is. The lack of originality can really dampen the emotional effects of the poem, and may not express it as clear as you wanted it to be. Second. The poem ends with a typo. Please double check your spelling next time. While even disregarding the typo, the poem ends off on a pretty weak point. But, if I had to find one good thing about this poem it's that it flows nicely.
But, as an overall, the poem doesn't stand well. The overdone concept, the weak ending, that typo, it just doesn't make for good poetry.