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:iconthelonelywolf678: More from thelonelywolf678




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Submitted on
December 20, 2013
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Drip drop drip drop

Drip drop drip drop

Silence

… Open your ears
Listen
…Can you listen?
Hear

Silent screams sealed away…
Forgotten
Open your mind and heart
…Do you hear?
Can you hear…?

Hear the echo
Listen
Before it’s too late

… Can you listen?
As promised, another one on Friday. This is an exparament, and so im not sure how it turned out to be. Hope you enjoy
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:iconenemom:
Well, I'm a writer and I can give you some tips on how to improve.

First off. This concept. It's been done so many times it's hard to call it original anymore. The poem is arranged nicely, but the concept lacks in originality and a clear viewpoint. Make sure your readers know what you are trying to symbolize and what your point is. The lack of originality can really dampen the emotional effects of the poem, and may not express it as clear as you wanted it to be. Second. The poem ends with a typo. Please double check your spelling next time. While even disregarding the typo, the poem ends off on a pretty weak point. But, if I had to find one good thing about this poem it's that it flows nicely.

But, as an overall, the poem doesn't stand well. The overdone concept, the weak ending, that typo, it just doesn't make for good poetry.
What do you think?
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:iconjustcallmezoola:
JustCallMeZoola Dec 20, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
A lesion is a part of an organ or tissue that has been damaged... XD idk what you meant to say but i don't think that was it.
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:iconthelonelywolf678:
thelonelywolf678 Dec 20, 2013  Student Writer
Thanks for pointing that out XD. Ive never been the best at spelling, but I have no clue how that one slipped past me
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:iconjustcallmezoola:
JustCallMeZoola Dec 20, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome :D and it's ok, i spelled "the" as "thu" in 7th grade when i was writing really fast and didn't notice until the next day when i was proofreading my story XD
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:iconthelonelywolf678:
thelonelywolf678 Dec 23, 2013  Student Writer
Really? I hate it when stuff like that happens XD
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:iconjustcallmezoola:
JustCallMeZoola Dec 23, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Yes really xD i hate when i do things like that Dx
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:iconthelonelywolf678:
thelonelywolf678 Dec 26, 2013  Student Writer
So do I, it makes me feel like a durp XD
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:iconjustcallmezoola:
JustCallMeZoola Dec 27, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Lol xD
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